Posts Tagged ‘celeb satire’

Romney: A Vote for Obama is a Vote Against Breaking Bad

Romney and ObamaAs Mitt Romney slides in the polls, he has changed the political narrative from the economy to popular TV shows. This morning, the Republican leader told customers at an Arizona IHOP that if Barack Obama is reelected, TV shows like Breaking Bad might never make it to the air.

The popular AMC TV show “Breaking Bad” follows physics teacher Walter White, who is diagnosed with cancer. When his healthcare bill isn’t covered, he turns to a life of selling meth. Romney told the crowd that had Obama been President at the time “Breaking Bad” was created, Walter’s hospital bills would have been covered by Obamacare. “There would be no need for Walter to turn to crime since his bills would be covered and the show we all love would never have existed!” Romney went on to suggest some potentially fantastic TV shows may never be created due to Obama’s failed policies.

Obama didn’t take this suggestion lying down. The President responded by saying, “Romney is obviously not a real fan of the show. Otherwise, he would know that Walter White didn’t just turn to a life of crime to pay his hospital bills but also to raise money for his family in case he succumbed to the cancer. So saying my health care plan would have killed ‘Breaking Bad’ is ridiculous. Nice try Mitt, but the American people are smarter than you think. I guarantee that if I’m reelected, there will no shortage of terrific TV shows created.”

After hearing the President’s response, Romney, took the fight a step further. “It’s funny hearing the President say his policy wouldn’t affect great TV shows from being created. This is a President that supports abortion. If he was president in the late 60s, the mother of the ‘Breaking Bad’ creator, Vince Gilligan, could Read the rest of this entry »

Celebrities “Accidentally” Leak Risqué Photos to Add Twitter Followers

Alison PillEarlier this week, Alison Pill, an actress from HBO’s “The Newsroom,” posted a topless photo to her 20,000 Twitter followers. The photo was quickly deleted but not after it rapidly spread across the internet. Pill said she posted the photo “by accident” and meanwhile, she gained 5000 new followers, mostly guys hoping she would “accidentally” post another. Other celebrities are following suit and “accidentally” posting their own naked pictures to Twitter in hopes of raising their Twitter profile.

BS Gossip talked to editor Mark Golin. He told us that it is no accident celebrities are posting nude photos. “C’mon, how do you accidentally post anything? It’s a way for actors to increase their Twitter following and maybe even get some extra media exposure. People who don’t watch “The Newsroom’ probably never heard of Alison Pill before a topless picture of her was posted online. Now her boobs are all people are talking about! A stunt like this could get an actress better roles or even a higher paycheck. It’s quite brilliant grassroots marketing, when you think about it.”

Since Pill posted her picture on Twitter Read the rest of this entry »

Rihanna Denies Her New Tattoo of a Douchebag is Chris Brown

Rihanna Pop star Rihanna debuted a new tattoo this week. However, while the tattoo on her neck seemed to picture a douchebag, Rihanna denied the tattoo art was of her abusive ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown.

A friend of the ‘Fool in Love’ singer, who wished to remain anonymous, told us that she is perplexed. “The tattoo art obviously pictures a douchebag. A tattoo artist isn’t going to apply a tattoo that looks identical to Rihanna’s ex-boyfriend by accident. I don’t know why she is denying it.”

We walked around L.A. showing pedestrians and tourists an image of the douchbag tattoo and almost everyone we showed it to identified the image as Chris Brown. The only exception was a 93-year-old British lady who said the tattoo pictured “a bag of turds” before saying it also looked Read the rest of this entry »

Adorkable Surprise: iPhone 5 to Replace Siri with Zooey!

ZooeyGiven the hugely popular iPhone commercials where actress Zooey Deschanel shows off iPhone’s voice assistant Siri, it shouldn’t be too big a surprise that the new version of the iPhone will replace Siri altogether with a similar feature called Zooey.

BS Gossip has learned that when Apple launches the iPhone 5, Siri will be replaced with a similar function, featuring the voice of “New Girl” star, Zooey Deschanel. The new feature will not just converse with iPhone users but will provide users with adorkable replies.

We played around with a prototype we acquired and the results were adorkable indeed. When we asked Zooey where the nearest playground was, Zooey’s response was “You’re going to a playground? Can I come? I love the swings!” When asked what the weather is forecasted to be, she replied “Oh no! It’s supposed to rain. But that does mean we can splash around in the puddles together! Yay!” And when we asked Zooey to recommend a good horror movie, she responded, “Silly you! Horror movies are scary! Why not watch a cute romantic comedy? I hear ‘500 Days of Summer’ is really cute! He he.”

An insider at Apple told us that before Apple created Zooey, they considered replacing Siri with Samuel, based on the popularity of the Samuel L. Read the rest of this entry »

Chuck Norris To Save America From Darkness If Obama Reelected

Chuck NorrisThis week, “Walker, Texas Ranger” star Chuck Norris released a television ad with his wife, warning Americans of the dangers of reelecting Barack Obama. In the TV spot, Norris’s wife Gena warned us that reelecting Obama would be a “triumph of evil” and will send us into “a thousand years of darkness.” Today Norris announced that should Obama be reelected, he would personally take it upon himself to protect American from the coming apocalypse.

BS Gossip asked Norris how Obama’s reelection would create an apocalyptic America that we’d need saving from. He said, “If he’s reelected, his Muslims friends from Kenya will obviously take over the country. People won’t be able to protect themselves because he’ll have taken away all of our guns. Then the sun will explode, fire will rain from the sky and Satin himself will rise upon the Earth. Good thing I’m planning to stick around huh?” We asked him how Obama’s reelection would cause all of that to happen. He yelled at us and said, “You know! Taxing the rich and socialism! That’s just baiting the devil, don’t you think?”

When we asked the 72-year-old actor how he would personally save America from the apocalypse, he said, “I’m friggin’ Chuck Norris! Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell stories about me! I have a grizzly bear rug Read the rest of this entry »

Tom Cruise Searches for Love Online at Scientology Mingle Website

Tom CruiseIn recent months, past loves of Tom Cruise have been turning against him; Katie Holmes, his wife of six years, divorced him and recently, Nazanin Boniadi has given Vanity Fair magazine a damaging interview alleging she was vetted by the Church of Scientology to be his wife. However the star is intent on finding his true soul mate and has turned to a Scientology dating website to help him with his search.

Scientology Mingle’s PR Manager Jack Grind confirmed that Cruise has set up a profile on the site and that he has been active on it for the last couple of months. Grind said, “He’s been one of the most active users of the site since he registered with us. And why not? There are tens of thousands of lovely ladies looking for love in a relationship where their partner also worships the alien warlord Xenu.” When we asked what an average first date might be like be for a couple who meet on the website, he told us watching “Battlefield Earth” on DVD was a popular option. “But not because it’s based on a story written by Scientology’s founder. It’s because it’s so goddamn awful. The dating couple can yell at the screen and create their own Read the rest of this entry »

Clint Eastwood’s Imaginary Friend Returns at Republican Convention

Clint ChairAfter being abandoned by his imaginary friend when he was only 7-years-old, the iconic filmmaker was thrown off when his invisible buddy returned during his speech at the Republican Convention.

Eastwood had only intended to pump up the crowd to support presidential candidate Mitt Romney. However, when his imaginary friend reappeared moments before his speech, he quickly had a volunteer place a chair next to the podium and improvised.

Clint’s wife, Dina Eastwood, told BS Gossip that she understands why the public thought her husband’s speech was erratic. “It was. What people didn’t know at the time was that Clint’s long-lost imaginary friend Handsome Pete had just returned and that my husband was doing double duty, juggling his speech with an unexpected reunion. When it seemed Clint was implying President Obama had told him to shut up, it was really Handsome Pete, who was actually sitting in the chair, who had told Clint to shut up. Handsome Pete was bitter Clint chose to talk to a crowd of strangers rather than to acknowledge his buddy.”

Governor Romney didn’t know what to think at the time Read the rest of this entry »

Snooki Confirms Newborn Son to Become a Father

Snooki_babyIt took longer than many people expected but “Jersey Shore” star Snooki today confirmed that her newborn son, Lorenzo, will be a father.

Snooki told us that while the little tyke is only a few days old, Lorenzo’s “oil” has already been shared with several young ladies. Snookie is looking forward to becoming a grandmother and Lorenzo’s father Jionni can’t contain his excitement. He said, “Who’s a ladies man?? My little boy, ‘dats who!! F—k yeah!”

The identity of the mother-to-be has not yet been revealed although there is much speculation. The most obvious person would be one of the female newborns at the hospital or possibly a nurse. However Snooki’s “Jersey Shore” co-star The Situation suggests Snooki’s BFF JWoww is the mother-to-be. When we told JWoww about the suggestion, she denied it. She said, “I’d never bang my best friend’s kid. Even if he is a cutie.” When we asked JWoww if there were any other reasons she wouldn’t sleep with the newborn, such as him being less than a week old, JWoww told us that being the son of her best friend was the only reason she needed. “I’ll be honest. If he wasn’t Read the rest of this entry »

Anna Faris Gives Baby Normal Name; Hollywood Outraged!

Chris Pratt andAnna FarisComedy actors Anna Faris and husband Chris Pratt have welcomed a baby boy into the world. As the happy couple celebrated with their new son, Jack, their fellow actors shared their outrage at them giving their child a normal name.

Hollywood actors have been known to give their kids unique names such as Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s son Maddox. Paltrow told us, “Celebrities aren’t just ordinary people. We’re special and so our children deserve names that are also special and that stand out. It’s insulting to celebrities in general when an actor couple gives their kid a normal name like Jack. And if he’s in a class with other celebrity kids, you just know he’s going to get picked on for his boring name.”

Nicolas Cage, who named his son Kal-El, after Superman’s Kryptonian name, is especially upset. Cage told BS Gossip that he was horrified when he heard that Faris and Pratt named their kid Jack. “What the f—k is wrong with these people? Why the hell would they name their kid Jack when there are so many untaken original names out there for celebrity children? I don’t think we’ve started to use dog names yet so they could have taken that route and gone with Rover or Sparky Read the rest of this entry »

Avril Lavigne Dumps Chad Kroeger After Finally Listening to Nickelback

Avrill Lavigne and Chad KroegerThe engagement of Canadian musicians Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger has ended just days after the couple announced the big news. Lavigne ended the relationship after she finally listened to music played by Kroeger’s band, Nickelback.

In an exclusive interview with BS Gossip, Avril Lavigne told us that prior to meeting Kroeger, she wasn’t familiar with Nickelback and after they met, the couple had been having such a passionate affair, that she didn’t have time to listen to anything. But while Kroeger was on a press tour in the US, Lavigne listened to all of Kroeger’s albums. At first she was confused. “The songs had different names but they all sounded the same. It’s like they just renamed the same song and threw a bunch of copies of it onto the same album. It seemed lazy and one thing that I frown upon is laziness.”

Lavigne worried that their sex life could be as repetitive as a Nickelback album. “Come to think of it, Chad kept wanting to try new Kama Sutra positions in bed but although the positions all had different names, they all seemed like missionary to me. With the exception of the thing he did with his toes. That was just gross.”

Lavigne also said she was confused because Read the rest of this entry »