Chuck Norris To Save America From Darkness If Obama Reelected

Chuck NorrisThis week, “Walker, Texas Ranger” star Chuck Norris released a television ad with his wife, warning Americans of the dangers of reelecting Barack Obama. In the TV spot, Norris’s wife Gena warned us that reelecting Obama would be a “triumph of evil” and will send us into “a thousand years of darkness.” Today Norris announced that should Obama be reelected, he would personally take it upon himself to protect American from the coming apocalypse.

BS Gossip asked Norris how Obama’s reelection would create an apocalyptic America that we’d need saving from. He said, “If he’s reelected, his Muslims friends from Kenya will obviously take over the country. People won’t be able to protect themselves because he’ll have taken away all of our guns. Then the sun will explode, fire will rain from the sky and Satin himself will rise upon the Earth. Good thing I’m planning to stick around huh?” We asked him how Obama’s reelection would cause all of that to happen. He yelled at us and said, “You know! Taxing the rich and socialism! That’s just baiting the devil, don’t you think?”

When we asked the 72-year-old actor how he would personally save America from the apocalypse, he said, “I’m friggin’ Chuck Norris! Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell stories about me! I have a grizzly bear rug Read the rest of this entry »

Tom Cruise Searches for Love Online at Scientology Mingle Website

Tom CruiseIn recent months, past loves of Tom Cruise have been turning against him; Katie Holmes, his wife of six years, divorced him and recently, Nazanin Boniadi has given Vanity Fair magazine a damaging interview alleging she was vetted by the Church of Scientology to be his wife. However the star is intent on finding his true soul mate and has turned to a Scientology dating website to help him with his search.

Scientology Mingle’s PR Manager Jack Grind confirmed that Cruise has set up a profile on the site and that he has been active on it for the last couple of months. Grind said, “He’s been one of the most active users of the site since he registered with us. And why not? There are tens of thousands of lovely ladies looking for love in a relationship where their partner also worships the alien warlord Xenu.” When we asked what an average first date might be like be for a couple who meet on the website, he told us watching “Battlefield Earth” on DVD was a popular option. “But not because it’s based on a story written by Scientology’s founder. It’s because it’s so goddamn awful. The dating couple can yell at the screen and create their own Read the rest of this entry »

Clint Eastwood’s Imaginary Friend Returns at Republican Convention

Clint ChairAfter being abandoned by his imaginary friend when he was only 7-years-old, the iconic filmmaker was thrown off when his invisible buddy returned during his speech at the Republican Convention.

Eastwood had only intended to pump up the crowd to support presidential candidate Mitt Romney. However, when his imaginary friend reappeared moments before his speech, he quickly had a volunteer place a chair next to the podium and improvised.

Clint’s wife, Dina Eastwood, told BS Gossip that she understands why the public thought her husband’s speech was erratic. “It was. What people didn’t know at the time was that Clint’s long-lost imaginary friend Handsome Pete had just returned and that my husband was doing double duty, juggling his speech with an unexpected reunion. When it seemed Clint was implying President Obama had told him to shut up, it was really Handsome Pete, who was actually sitting in the chair, who had told Clint to shut up. Handsome Pete was bitter Clint chose to talk to a crowd of strangers rather than to acknowledge his buddy.”

Governor Romney didn’t know what to think at the time Read the rest of this entry »

Snooki Confirms Newborn Son to Become a Father

Snooki_babyIt took longer than many people expected but “Jersey Shore” star Snooki today confirmed that her newborn son, Lorenzo, will be a father.

Snooki told us that while the little tyke is only a few days old, Lorenzo’s “oil” has already been shared with several young ladies. Snookie is looking forward to becoming a grandmother and Lorenzo’s father Jionni can’t contain his excitement. He said, “Who’s a ladies man?? My little boy, ‘dats who!! F—k yeah!”

The identity of the mother-to-be has not yet been revealed although there is much speculation. The most obvious person would be one of the female newborns at the hospital or possibly a nurse. However Snooki’s “Jersey Shore” co-star The Situation suggests Snooki’s BFF JWoww is the mother-to-be. When we told JWoww about the suggestion, she denied it. She said, “I’d never bang my best friend’s kid. Even if he is a cutie.” When we asked JWoww if there were any other reasons she wouldn’t sleep with the newborn, such as him being less than a week old, JWoww told us that being the son of her best friend was the only reason she needed. “I’ll be honest. If he wasn’t Read the rest of this entry »

Anna Faris Gives Baby Normal Name; Hollywood Outraged!

Chris Pratt andAnna FarisComedy actors Anna Faris and husband Chris Pratt have welcomed a baby boy into the world. As the happy couple celebrated with their new son, Jack, their fellow actors shared their outrage at them giving their child a normal name.

Hollywood actors have been known to give their kids unique names such as Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s son Maddox. Paltrow told us, “Celebrities aren’t just ordinary people. We’re special and so our children deserve names that are also special and that stand out. It’s insulting to celebrities in general when an actor couple gives their kid a normal name like Jack. And if he’s in a class with other celebrity kids, you just know he’s going to get picked on for his boring name.”

Nicolas Cage, who named his son Kal-El, after Superman’s Kryptonian name, is especially upset. Cage told BS Gossip that he was horrified when he heard that Faris and Pratt named their kid Jack. “What the f—k is wrong with these people? Why the hell would they name their kid Jack when there are so many untaken original names out there for celebrity children? I don’t think we’ve started to use dog names yet so they could have taken that route and gone with Rover or Sparky Read the rest of this entry »

Avril Lavigne Dumps Chad Kroeger After Finally Listening to Nickelback

Avrill Lavigne and Chad KroegerThe engagement of Canadian musicians Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger has ended just days after the couple announced the big news. Lavigne ended the relationship after she finally listened to music played by Kroeger’s band, Nickelback.

In an exclusive interview with BS Gossip, Avril Lavigne told us that prior to meeting Kroeger, she wasn’t familiar with Nickelback and after they met, the couple had been having such a passionate affair, that she didn’t have time to listen to anything. But while Kroeger was on a press tour in the US, Lavigne listened to all of Kroeger’s albums. At first she was confused. “The songs had different names but they all sounded the same. It’s like they just renamed the same song and threw a bunch of copies of it onto the same album. It seemed lazy and one thing that I frown upon is laziness.”

Lavigne worried that their sex life could be as repetitive as a Nickelback album. “Come to think of it, Chad kept wanting to try new Kama Sutra positions in bed but although the positions all had different names, they all seemed like missionary to me. With the exception of the thing he did with his toes. That was just gross.”

Lavigne also said she was confused because Read the rest of this entry »

Prince Harry Makes Royal Mistake When Asked to See the Crown Jewels

Prince HarryThe whole world is talking (and giggling) after TMZ released photos of Prince Harry frolicking in the buff. We have learned that the prince disrobed when he misunderstood a request to see the Crown Jewels.

It was first reported that the photographs, taken in a Las Vegas hotel room, were snapped during a game of strip pool. However a spokesman at Clarence House, the official residence of the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwell, have now confirmed that it was a mere misunderstanding. Harry had been partying with some friends and a few girls they had met in the lobby. One of the girls asked to see the Crown Jewels and Prince Harry, thinking that she was referring to his man parts, disrobed.

The girl who made the request, and was also photographed nude with the Prince, talked to BS Gossip but wishes to remain anonymous. She told us that she’s always loved gems so when she was invited to the prince’s hotel room with some others for drinks, she thought it was an opportunity to see the most famous jewels in the world. Instead, she saw the 17th most famous jewels, however as the photos spread across the web, that number is sure to adjust quickly.

The girl said she felt bad about seeing Prince Harry Read the rest of this entry »

Celebrities Offer Miley Cyrus Their Own Hair to Repair Botched Haircut

Miley's HaircutMiley Cyrus has publicly revealed her new haircut, with her locks chopped off and her hair now dyed blond. The general consensus from the public is that chopping off so much hair was a huge mistake and Miley’s fellow celebrities have offered up their own hair to help fix the botched hairdo.

When Gene Simmons found out that his reality show “Gene Simmon’s Family Jewels” was canceled, he tore out a bunch of his hair in frustration. But now that he’s calmed down, he wants to turn his grief and anger into something positive and give that hair to a good cause. Simmons told us, “I have all these bald patches on my head from my little breakdown but there is someone out there with a worse head of hair than me. And since Donald Trump can afford to pay for his own modifications, I’ve sent it over to Miley Cyrus to help her with her own hair disaster.”

Jay Leno is willing to get his big mop of hair chopped for Miley but unlike Simmons, will only part with his hair for a price. Leno’s Tonight Show Read the rest of this entry »

“Sparkle” Fails to Resurrect Whitney Houston’s Acting Career

Whitney HoustonIt’s been many years since Whitney Houston has performed for film, and she had hoped that this weekend’s release of “Sparkle” would invigorate her movie career. However after a so-so weekend box office, Houston has not been receiving the calls and offers she was hoping for.

Houston has had an outstanding singing career and in 1992, when she starred opposite Kevin Costner in the hit “The Bodyguard,” she followed that up with roles in a few more movies throughout the ‘90s. After that however, her use of drugs stunted her acting career. With her returning to acting in this weekend’s musical “Sparkle,” many insiders had speculated this would lead to a resurrection of Houston’s acting career. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem likely.

BS Gossip called Houston’s publicist, Kristen Foster, who told us that Houston has not received any offers to star or even audition for any more films. She screamed at us on the phone and called us “insensitive” and we got the impression that the lack of offers was a touchy subject for Houston’s team.

We desperately tried to contact Houston directly Read the rest of this entry »

Joan and Melissa Rivers No Longer Attached at the Hip After Hip Surgery

Joan and Melissa RiversReality show star Melissa Rivers is well known for constantly being attached to her mother’s hip. However, after Joan Rivers had emergency hip surgery, the mother and daughter are now officially separated.

Joan told us that she is recovering well from the surgery but that Melissa is having a hard time. “We’ve been very close since she was born. I mean, I only stopped breastfeeding her a few years ago and that was a difficult thing for her to handle. It’s probably for the best though… I’m not going to be around forever and if we were still physically bonded, she’d end up buried with me and we’d be stuck with each other eternally. I don’t believe in hell but if I did, that would be it!”

We tried to talk with Melissa but she was in a panic, looking for her mother. “Where Mommy? Where Mommy? Mommy leave me!” When we told her that her mother was in the next room, she bolted through the door and lunged at her mom, knocking her to the ground.

Sadly, the incident caused Joan to break her hip once Read the rest of this entry »