China Ridicules London for Performance by “National Disgrace”… Mr. Bean

Mr. BeanOfficials from China are mocking the London Olympic Open Ceremonies for “embarrassing mistakes” they say occurred during the show. They compare their own 2008 ceremonies in Beijing, where the ceremonies were “perfection” compared to London’s, where there were “major screw-ups,” all of which were allegedly made by Mr. Bean.

Chinese Official Wu Chan told BS Gossip that their country is laughing at the humiliating presentation. The portion of the ceremony in question was where British actor Rowan Atkinson, in character as the popular Mr. Bean, performed with the London Sympathy Orchestra. When he daydreamed about being an Olympic gold medal champion, he messed up his one note and got an ugly stare from the conductor.

Chan laughed and said “This Mr. Atkinson is supposedly one of England’s biggest stars however he couldn’t even play the one note he was assigned to play. The angry look on the conductor’s face said it all Read the rest of this entry »

Kardashian Mystery: Which Sister Cut the Cheese in the Elevator?

 KardashiansThe Kardashian sisters spent the weekend at a flashy Florida penthouse but the media wasn’t interested in what they were wearing or who they snuggled up with. The breaking news story the reporters wanted to crack was which one of them farted in the elevator.

The incident occurred Sunday morning at 9:15am when the sisters exited their penthouse suite and got on the elevator to go down to the pool. Almost immediately after the elevator doors shut, the smell was prevalent.

Gus Domenez, the elevator operator, said that very quickly, he could see each sister’s nose twitching and their heads spinning around, looking at each other accusingly. “Everyone looked generally surprised and disgusted. Whoever did it is one heck of an actor. But then the women all star on that popular TV drama, so they have to be good, right?”

When approached by the media, Kourtney swore it wasn’t her and would submit to a blood test if requested. Khloé said that the smell in the elevator was hideous so it couldn’t possibly be her since she finds her own farts smell rather pleasant. Finally, Kim said that it was impossible it was her as she has never Read the rest of this entry »

Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly Shocker: He’s Straight!

Bill O'ReillyJust a few days after CNN’s Anderson Cooper shocked the world by coming out of the closet, Fox News’ outspoken Bill O’Reilly has revealed to the world that he’s straight.

O’Reilly announced the news yesterday on “The O’Reilly Factor”. He told BS Gossip that he thought it was time to stop hiding the truth. “I know this will come as a surprise to many of my fans. I hope they understand that this is who I am. I like women. It’s as simple as that. If people have issues with it, they’re morons!”

Fans around America have taken to social media to proclaim their shock. @Conserv72 posted “Good for Bill! I applaud his bravery.” @rainbow 69 was skeptical however, posting “I don’t believe it. This is just more Right Wing propaganda!” Joe the Plumber told BS Gossip that while he’s surprised by the announcement, this doesn’t make him think of him as any less of a man, even though his sexual orientation is now the same as Obamas’. He said, “At least O’Reilly isn’t a socialist!”

A college roommate called into the “O’Reilly Factor” questioning the truth in O’Reilly’s revelation. The caller said that he recalls O’Reilly Read the rest of this entry »

Dish TV Allows Viewers to Skip Bad Shows, Only Watch Ads

DishMajor television networks continue fighting Dish in Court to ban its DVRs with their patented AutoHop technology that allows their customers to skip all ads with one click on their remote. Now Dish has switched its course, saying that they will instead program the DVRs to allow viewers to skip entire episodes of bad TV shows and only watch the ads.

Dish’s attorney, Peter Bicks, told BS Gossip that this new direction would still benefit their customers but not affect the network’s advertising rates. “There are lots of terrible shows on TV. ‘Jersey Shore’ comes to mind as does that horrible new celebrity dating show, ‘The Choice.’ And virtually everything on CNN. After revisiting this, we believe skipping bad shows is preferable to viewers than skipping the ads, which are short and to the point.” He added that he thinks Dish will increase its subscriber rate when the Superbowl comes around. “Now you don’t have to Read the rest of this entry »

Next Season of Mad Men to Take Place in Outer Space

Mad MenViewers of the fifth season of “Mad Men” witnessed some shocking changes at the Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce advertising agency. So it shouldn’t be too big a surprise to learn where the show will be headed next season – outer space!

“Mad Man” creator, Matthew Weiner, came up with the idea after re-watching some old sci-fi movies. He said, “The sets in space travel sci-fi movies like ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ and ‘Planet of the Apes’ look like the ‘Mad Men’ set if the agency was smaller and there were large screens and flashing buttons all over the place. We watch those movies today and think they look dated but considering ‘Mad Men’ takes place in the late ‘60s, sets like that wouldn’t look at all out of place in the series.”

Weiner explained that in the opening episode of the next season, we will learn that a nuclear attack from Russia is imminent. As the staff prepares for their final hours of life, Lee Garner Jr. pops into the office and makes a surprise proposition. He offers Don the chance for him and a Read the rest of this entry »

Games of Thrones Fans Forced to Do the Unthinkable… Read

Game of ThronesAs HBO’s epic series “Games of Thrones” wrapped up its second season last night with multiple cliffhangers, fans of the show have only one other option than waiting 10 months for the show’s return. Read the books the series is based on.

George R. R. Martin, the author of the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series the show is based on, welcomes couch potatoes back to the world of literature. “I realize many of these men haven’t picked up a book since high school. It’s ironic that a TV show of all things is bringing people back to reading but I think it’s rather wonderful”.

Ken Spud, a 24-year-old webmaster, told us that after the epic climax to this season’s show, he couldn’t possibly wait almost a year to find out what happens. “I need answers and have no alternative to reading the books. I told myself Read the rest of this entry »

Internet to Stop Reporting TV Spoilers Until Kevin Cleans out his DVR

TelevisionIt was just after midnight on Wednesday evening when the tragic event occurred. Kevin, a 22-year-old student painter living in Seattle, Washington had logged onto Twitter and saw Entertainment Weekly’s results from the “American Idol” finale. Completely irate, Kevin went into the article and posted the following in the comment section: “Don’t post friggin’ spoilers until I’ve cleaned out my DVR dammit!”

When (Entertainment Weekly) Executive Director Sanam Lari read the comment, she broke down in tears. She explained, “We at EW pride ourselves at recapping the hottest TV shows on our website immediately after the shows air, however, our intension was never to spoil the show for anyone and Kevin has brought this to our attention. I understand what Kevin is going through as a coworker accidentally shared a spoiler for the season two finale of ‘Wings’ Read the rest of this entry »