Iran Boycotts Oscars To Avoid Offending Americans With Anti-Jesus Movie

Academy AwardThis week Iran announced that it would boycott the 2013 Academy Awards and not submit an Iranian film into the competition for the Best Foreign Film category. Last year’s Iranian film “A Separation” won the coveted award however this year they fear the selected film may offend and upset Americans.

The film, titled “An Angry Savior,” follows a resurrected Jesus Christ who travels to New York City and preys upon newborn babies to feed his lust for blood. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, said that while he found the film entertaining and quite humorous, Americans would likely find it offensive and offending Americans is the last thing Iran wants to do. “To take a man that so many people worship and make a mockery out of him is shameful. We don’t want to bring any more attention to this film so we have decided not to participate in this year’s competition. And the man who made this hilarious but despicable film is awaiting death-by-stoning, along with the lowest scum of the earth; murderers and women drivers.”

“What we feared,” Ahmadinejad told us, “is that the film would incite violence and chaos in America once screening discs were viewed by Academy members.” He said, “We imagine that as soon as the film would be viewed in America Read the rest of this entry »

China Ridicules London for Performance by “National Disgrace”… Mr. Bean

Mr. BeanOfficials from China are mocking the London Olympic Open Ceremonies for “embarrassing mistakes” they say occurred during the show. They compare their own 2008 ceremonies in Beijing, where the ceremonies were “perfection” compared to London’s, where there were “major screw-ups,” all of which were allegedly made by Mr. Bean.

Chinese Official Wu Chan told BS Gossip that their country is laughing at the humiliating presentation. The portion of the ceremony in question was where British actor Rowan Atkinson, in character as the popular Mr. Bean, performed with the London Sympathy Orchestra. When he daydreamed about being an Olympic gold medal champion, he messed up his one note and got an ugly stare from the conductor.

Chan laughed and said “This Mr. Atkinson is supposedly one of England’s biggest stars however he couldn’t even play the one note he was assigned to play. The angry look on the conductor’s face said it all Read the rest of this entry »

End of Comic Con Means End of Vacation for Normal People

Comic Con Batman FanAs this year’s Comic Con came to a close, fanboys from across North America returned home from a weekend of dressing up, meeting their heroes and socializing with others who share their interests. But it also meant the end of a restful, short vacation for everyone else.

When single mom Deirdre Furlong dropped her 22-year-old son, Colin, at the airport last week, she sighed with relief. She told us that she loves her son but having a few days every year without him rambling on about his geeky interests non-stop is a much needed vacation. “I love that he’s so into comics, movies and video games but for someone like me that doesn’t share his interests, it’s more than a bit of a headache. The week before he left for Comic Con, he was talking non-stop about someone named Cerebus. I thought he might have met an adventurous new friend or perhaps even a girl. It turned out that this Cerebus was nothing but an illustrated talking Aardvark. I’m not kidding. I couldn’t make that up.”

Vanessa Potter loves working with all her coworkers at Walmart, including Tyler Ozman. Potter told us that Tyler shares his love of Star Wars, Ninja Turtles and his other geeky obsessions every spare moment he’s not helping a customer. Potter said that although Tyler’s passion is admirable, it can be a bit frustrating when most of the coworkers have important things to worry about like relationships, college and finding a better company to work for than Walmart. She told us that Read the rest of this entry »

Jocks Ambush Nerds at Comic Con

Comic Con For years, jocks have beat up nerds but have never had the last laugh, due to their lack of intellect. But when it was realized that all of America’s nerds were to be gathered in one convention hall in San Diego, they plotted the ultimate wedgie-fest.

Flash Armstrong, a recent high school graduate and football quarterback, led the rebellion. He told us that throughout high school, he locked many nerds in their own lockers and gave out more wedgies than he could count, but in the end was always outsmarted by the nerds. So when he realized they were all congregated at Comic Con, he forced a nerd to show him how to use social media and was able to gather together thousands of jocks from all over America.

Armstrong told us, “We didn’t even have to set a trap. All these nerds and geeks and dorks are all together in one conference center. No jock could turn down this opportunity to finally have the upper foot.”

Unfortunately for Armstrong and the thousands of dimwits who flew across the country in hopes of smashing as many pairs of glasses as they could get under their shoes, when they got there with their Read the rest of this entry »