Exclusive! Lance Armstrong Exchanged Left Nut for Steroids

Lance ArmstrongIn the wake of Lance Armstrong’s doping controversy, the cyclist has lost a Nike sponsorship, may lose his medals and he has even had to step down from his post of chairman of his Livestrong cancer charity. Now BS Gossip has learned that the former champion traded his left nut in exchange for steroids.

Many years ago, Armstrong approached respected steroid dealer Pump Pimp Yo about purchasing drugs. Pimp Yo told us that when Armstrong asked what the drugs would cost him, he joked, “Everything you got plus your left nut.” Surprisingly, Armstrong shook Pimp Yo’s hand and said they had a deal. He paid the dealer millions and mailed him his left testicle through Fed Ex.

Pimp Yo told us that he didn’t know Armstrong would be having his left testicle surgically removed as part of his cancer treatment and wouldn’t be needing it anyway. He said, “But then, he did cheat America so it shouldn’t surprise anyone he cheated his dealer too.”

Pimp Yo, who has now moved into the lucrative pot business, said he could have made a fortune selling the testicle on Ebay but since he’s a respected professional, he would never do that. However Pimp Yo has made a hefty profit from his trade. “I inserted some marijuana seeds into the testicle and placed it in soil. Soon, I was growing the most pristine marijuana product I have ever sampled and sold it at a premium price. Recently I have broken the testicle into various pieces to grow more product faster. It took a while to cut it open though; it was a tough nut to crack.”

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