Archive for October 2012

Disney Buys LucasFilms to Expand American Graffiti Franchise

Hollywood is buzzing over Disney’s 4.5 billion dollar purchase of Lucasfilm. However industry insiders were surprised to learn that Disney has no plans to cash in on the Star Wars movies and instead intends to recoup their investment by milking Lucas’ “American Graffiti” and “THX 1138” franchises.

Talking to the press, Walt Disney CEO Bob Iger said that their theme parks would be expanded to include “American Graffiti” rides and “THX 1138” characters such as the popular SEN and SRT will also appear at the theme parks, posing for pictures with families and making kids’ dreams come true.

Iger stressed that Disney has no plans to do any more Star Wars movies. Iger told reporters, “Lucas lost all good will with the Star Wars fans with the dreadful prequels. I can’t imagine anyone paying to see another Star Wars after seeing Jar Jar Binks fill up the screen for three films. We have a better chance of recouping our investment by staying away from anything Star Wars related and just focusing on the popular ‘American Graffiti’ and ‘THX 1138’ properties.”

Iger was asked if Disney would at least continue to release the Star Wars movies on Blu-ray and DVD. Iger said Disney has no plans to do that. “Lucas has released so many versions of each movie over the years that most fans already have at least 8 copies of each movie. I can’t imagine us selling even one copy of a Star Wars film.”

Iger said that if Disney does one day decide Read the rest of this entry »

Cloud Atlas Producer Hoping Hurricane Sandy Will Save Box Office Take

Cloud AtlasThe ambitious big budget film “Cloud Atlas” had a dismal box office opening with $9.4 million in its opening weekend. However one of the film’s producers thinks there is one thing that could rescue the film from becoming a flop – Hurricane Sandy.

“Cloud Atlas” Producer Stefan Arndt hopes the hurricane that is hitting the East Coast will strengthen the take for the film. He told us, “People are going to need places to find shelter. I’m sure many of those people will flock to movie theaters and ‘Cloud Atlas’ is the obvious choice for storm dodgers since it’s the longest film playing right now with a running time of almost three hours! I’m thinking some people will watch it three or four times in a row so they can stay in the theaters during the storm.”

We asked Arndt if he thought the star-studded cast consisting of Tom Hanks and Halle Berry could also help the film recoup their investment. He said, “No, if people cared about the cast, the movie would have done better opening weekend. I place all my hope in people being forced to watch the film in exchange for Read the rest of this entry »

Mitt Romney Endorses Meat Loaf

RomneyBoth presidential candidates have received celebrity endorsements during their campaigns and now Republican candidate Mitt Romney has made an endorsement of his own; for the dinnertime delight, Meat Loaf.

Romney made the endorsement at a rally in Ohio. When asked by a reporter what his favorite meal was, he said, “I like meat loaf. Not only is it delicious but the cattle industry employs tens of thousands of Americans. I love America so obviously I also love meat loaf.”

After Romney’s endorsement, Democratic contender President Barack Obama was asked what food he endorses. He told reporters, “I agree with my wife Michelle that nutrition is vitally important for kids growing up today. So any fruit or vegetable gets my nod of approval.”

Obama’s endorsement received lots of support from parents and teachers and Mitt Romney’s meaty dish was criticized for increasing obesity in America. When reporters asked Romney if he still endorses meat loaf, he said, “I’ve never endorsed meat loaf. It’s not only full of fat but it also has a rather bland taste. If I had to endorse a food, it would definitely be either carrots or broccoli. Not meat loaf. I’ve always hated meat loaf.” Romney gained a slight lead in the polls after his heartfelt endorsement of the healthy snack.

Adele to Reenact Baby’s Birth on “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”

AdeleDid the announcement that Adele had given birth surprise you? If you had no clue that Adele was pregnant, you’re not alone; Adele had no idea she was carrying a baby either!

The pop singer will appear in an upcoming episode of the reality show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” reenacting her surprise birth.

When asked who the father was, the singer said, “It could be my ex Daryl, Mo, the lead set designer from my UK tour or any of the 30 or so other blokes I had sex with in-between them.

While most reenactments of births on the show occur on the toilet with a surprise “number 3″ plopping into the bowl, Adele’s birth took place in a hotel room right after having sex with one of the many possible fathers of her probable second unexpected child.

BS Gossip has learned that Adele is working on two songs based on her experiences giving birth. One of the songs is titled “What the f—k is that thing?” and the other one is called “Are you f—king kidding Me? Mother f—ker!”

In other news, BBC just announced the singer would also be appearing on the BBC reality show, “Let’s Wash that Potty Mouth Out With Soap.”

Mitt Romney to Dress as Barack Obama for Halloween

During an interview on Fox News, presidential Republican candidate Mitt Romney told Gretchen Carlson that for Halloween, he was planning to dress as rival candidate, President Barack Obama. He told Carlson that he was dressing as the President because he wanted to dress as something really scary.

Upon hearing the news, Obama’s running-mate Joe Biden was a bit disappointed. “I’m also planning to go as Barack. I guess we’ll just see who can pull off black-face better!” He added, “Don’t tell Barack… I want my costume to be a surprise. He’s going to get a huge kick out of it!”

Biden may be keeping his costume plans a surprise for the President but Romney’s announcement was very public. The President laughed when he heard the news and told MSNBC’s Morning Joe co-host Joe Scarborough, “If Romney wants to dress as the winner of the 2012 presidential race, that’s surely his prerogative.”

Scarborough asked the President who he was planning to dress as for Halloween. Smiling, he said, “I will be tying our dog Bo to the top of my campaign bus on Halloween night. Why don’t you take a wild guess as to who I’m dressing up as?”

Exclusive! Lance Armstrong Exchanged Left Nut for Steroids

Lance ArmstrongIn the wake of Lance Armstrong’s doping controversy, the cyclist has lost a Nike sponsorship, may lose his medals and he has even had to step down from his post of chairman of his Livestrong cancer charity. Now BS Gossip has learned that the former champion traded his left nut in exchange for steroids.

Many years ago, Armstrong approached respected steroid dealer Pump Pimp Yo about purchasing drugs. Pimp Yo told us that when Armstrong asked what the drugs would cost him, he joked, “Everything you got plus your left nut.” Surprisingly, Armstrong shook Pimp Yo’s hand and said they had a deal. He paid the dealer millions and mailed him his left testicle through Fed Ex.

Pimp Yo told us that he didn’t know Armstrong would be having his left testicle surgically removed as part of his cancer treatment and wouldn’t be needing it anyway. He said, “But then, he did cheat America so it shouldn’t surprise anyone he cheated his dealer too.”

Pimp Yo, who has now moved into the lucrative pot Read the rest of this entry »

Hundreds of Hulk Hogan Gay Sex Tapes Surface

Hulk HoganNot long after a sex tape of Hulk Hogan was leaked, Hogan is on the defensive once again as hundreds of videos have been leaked featuring him in his underwear in various forms of intimacy with other scantily clad men.

In the videos, filmed mostly in the 80s and 90s, we see the bodies of Hogan and his male companions slathered with oil and aggressively caressing each other and experimenting with various different positions. The sexual activities, many violent and involving S&M, were performed in front of a cheering audience, which increases the perversity of Hogan’s actions. Various websites and newspapers have referred to the videos as “pretty gay.”

Hogan’s publicist responded to the leaked videos. “Hulk isn’t proud of the actions portrayed in the videos. They occurred in the past however and he Read the rest of this entry »

Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber Set New Trend By Vomiting on Stage

Lady GagaIn the last two weeks, music superstars Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga have both vomited on stage during live performances. Both stars continue to be more popular than ever and now other artists feel they need to follow suit if they want to remain relevant.

At a charity fundraiser show Tuesday night where Justin Bieber was singing, Kanye West marched on stage during the opening number. He grabbed the microphone and said, “Yo Justin, I’m really happy for you, and I’ll let you finish, but I had one of the best hurls of all time!!” Kanye then spewed out what looked like a mix of Gatorade and tacos all over Bieber. The audience ate it up. Literally, they ate up the vomit left on the stage. Even Bieber’s vomit didn’t garner that much affection, though chunks of that were offered for sale on Ebay.

Taylor Swift tried to follow the popular trend but had difficulties vomiting on stage. She said, “I put two fingers down my throat just before my second number but I gagged really quickly and couldn’t do it.” After the failed vomiting attempt, ticket sales for her upcoming shows have been very low and shows may have to be canceled. Swift responded to that news by saying, “I feel like I let down my fans. I’d consider writing a song about the ordeal if I didn’t have so many ex-boyfriends Read the rest of this entry »

Sunkist Sues Jersey Shore Cast For Using Copyrighted Shade of Orange

Jersey Shore orangeThe cast of Jersey Shore faces a lawsuit as they prepare for their final season of the popular MTV show. A spokesperson for Sunkist announced that the company is suing the stars and producers of the show for the use of their copyrighted shade of orange.

Sunkist spokesperson and health guru, Dr. Liz Applegate, held a press conference to announce the lawsuit. She told reporters that the company felt they had no other option since the Jersey Shore cast blatantly displays the color of their oranges on their bodies. “If this was just a matter of Sunkist orange faces and hands, we might be able to let this go but the cast of Jersey Shore wears very little clothing so we feel they are blatantly giving the finger to our copyright ownership.”

Jersey Shore creator, SallyAnne Salsano, is confused by the lawsuit. “I won’t lie. It’s not a coincidence the skin of our cast is that shade of orange. The tanning salon the cast goes to purposely uses Sunkist oranges as a base for the cast’s tans. But our hair department also uses Pam cooking oil to grease the men’s hair and you don’t see Pam suing us!”

BS Gossip talked to Gary Rodkin, President and CEO of ConAgra Foods, the parent company of Pam. Rodkin told us that he is aware Read the rest of this entry »

Big Bird Nesting with Oscar the Grouch After Nest Foreclosed

Big BirdAt the first presidential debate, Mitt Romney told the moderator that even though he loved Big Bird, he’d cut federal funding for PBS. That was a low blow to Big Bird, who has been rooming with Oscar the Grouch after his nest was seized by the banks last year.

Big Bird told BS Gossip that while he used to be part of America’s one percent, he lost most of his riches from bad investments and had his assets foreclosed after he couldn’t repay a loan on his luxury nest. “When I started out on Sesame Street, I lived in the nest you see me in on the show. But I upgraded to a luxury nest with eight eggrooms and six birdbaths and lived the good life until recently.”

After hearing Romney talk about cutting funding to PBS, Big Bird told us he’s scared of being laid off and not being able to pay for the measly accommodations he currently has. Big Bird said, “I’m rooming with Oscar the Grouch in his trash can. It’s filthy but at least I have rotten fruit and stinky diapers to lay my head on when I sleep. But I pay Oscar $400 a month to crash with him and if I lose my job, I honestly don’t know where I will come up with that rent.”

Up until Romney made his anti-PBS comments, Big Bird was an adamant Republican. He told us that with billions of birds aborted every year for the egg industry, he was hoping Romney would win so abortion would be finally Read the rest of this entry »