Adorkable Surprise: iPhone 5 to Replace Siri with Zooey!

ZooeyGiven the hugely popular iPhone commercials where actress Zooey Deschanel shows off iPhone’s voice assistant Siri, it shouldn’t be too big a surprise that the new version of the iPhone will replace Siri altogether with a similar feature called Zooey.

BS Gossip has learned that when Apple launches the iPhone 5, Siri will be replaced with a similar function, featuring the voice of “New Girl” star, Zooey Deschanel. The new feature will not just converse with iPhone users but will provide users with adorkable replies.

We played around with a prototype we acquired and the results were adorkable indeed. When we asked Zooey where the nearest playground was, Zooey’s response was “You’re going to a playground? Can I come? I love the swings!” When asked what the weather is forecasted to be, she replied “Oh no! It’s supposed to rain. But that does mean we can splash around in the puddles together! Yay!” And when we asked Zooey to recommend a good horror movie, she responded, “Silly you! Horror movies are scary! Why not watch a cute romantic comedy? I hear ‘500 Days of Summer’ is really cute! He he.”

An insider at Apple told us that before Apple created Zooey, they considered replacing Siri with Samuel, based on the popularity of the Samuel L. Jackson Siri ads. However there were concerns when the prototype spewed out vulgarity. We acquired an early iPhone 5 prototype with Samuel and asked him for the address of the nearest Subway restaurant. Samuel’s response was “There’s one at 833 Eastern Blvd. but Subway puts way too much f—kin’ mayo in their motherf–kin’ tuna melt!” But even Samuel agreed that replacing Siri with Zooey was a great idea. Well, sort of. When we asked him what he thinks about Zooey Deschanel, he responded, “That girl is f—kin’ adorkable! But if she ever tries to steal my thunder, I’ll put my motherf—kin’ boot up her motherf—kin’ ass!”

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