Gay Chickens Heighten Chick-Fil-A Controversy

Chick-Fil-AThe most politically heated conversation this election season is in regards to chicken fast-food chain Chick-Fil-A. After Chick-Fil-A President Dan Cathy stated he is adamantly against same-sex marriage and only supports marriage as the Bible defines it, same-sex supporters started a boycott of the chain while those against same-sex marriage have supported the restaurant chain like never before. But now everything has flipped on its head after the discovery of gay chickens being raised for the Chick-Fil-A menu.

The discovery was made by a worker at one of Chick-Fil-A’s chicken farms, where the company raises chickens for their menu. The worker, who wishes to remain anonymous as he is working in the US illegally, told us that he noticed two hens necking in the corner of their cage. “These two hens obviously loved each other very much. It was quite beautiful. But I know what’s going on with the protests so I told my manager and he called Mr. Cathy. Mr. Cathy said it wasn’t natural and wanted the hens to see a priest to repent their sins but by the time we got back, the batch of chickens the loving couple were part of had been slaughtered.”

When word spread that Chick-Fil-A was serving homosexual chickens on its menu, the anti-gay marriage activists who lined up outside stores were irate and the crowd quickly dispersed. Mike Huckabee, Fox News talk show host and former Republican governor, talked to us after hearing the news. He said, “We wanted to rally behind a company that shares our values, so when we heard they were serving gay chickens on the menu, we were shocked. What if one of our children ate a sandwich made from one of those chickens? They may start to be attracted to members of the same-sex. I don’t want my children to go to Hell like the homosexual chickens obviously have.”

Homosexual rights activist, Jed Harris, told us that now supporters of gay rights have have even more reason not to eat at Chick-Fil-A. “Not only does the restaurant chain not support equal rights but they serve a minority group on their menu. What’s going to stop them from serving Mormon chickens on their menu tomorrow?”

With both gay and anti-gay activists now boycotting the chain, Dan Cathy said the restaurant chain has had almost no customers at any of their locations over the last couple of days. He said that if this continues, the chain might have to file for bankruptcy. “The good news though is that if the chain does go under, I will have more time to strengthen my marriage as its defined by the Bible, with my multiple wives, who are also my first cousins.”

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