Joel Schumacher to Reboot Batman Movie Franchise

Batman_SchumacherWarner Bros. has long said that after “The Dark Knight Rises” concludes Chris Nolan’s Batman trilogy, they plan to reboot the franchise. However fans are shocked at the announcement about the man who’s been handed the job to do it – Joel Schumacher.

Warner Bros. made the surprise announcement on Tuesday morning, choosing the director who killed the last Batman series with his horrendous “Batman & Robin” to reboot the character once again. In the press release distributed today by Warner Bros., Warner President of Production said, “While many people consider Schumacher’s ‘Batman & Robin’ as a disaster, Schumacher’s two Batman movies did very well at the box office and that’s all we really care about. I can also assure fans that Schumacher has promised not to incorporate nipples onto the Bat costumes this time around and to have one of Batman’s greatest enemies as the villain in the first film; the notorious King Tut.”

Long-time Chicago Tribune movie reviewer Roger Ebert said the decision has convinced him to finally give up his passion for watching movies and focus his time on increasing his score on “Angry Birds Space.” Regarding Warner’s decision to have Schumacher take over the Batman series, he said, “This is Hollywood’s biggest blunder since casting Robert De Niro in the ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle’ movie. F—k Hollywood! For me, it’s nothing but destroying pigs from here on out!”

Both cinephiles and Batman fans have taken to social media and message boards to express their shock and anger, which is for the most part consistent. On Twitter, @GeekOPhile said, “F—k F—k F—k F—k F—k F—k!!” @DarkBite said “Holy f—kin s—t! Hollywood motherf—ckers!” and @Movieman_8 said “Schumacher AND King f—kin Tut?! F———k!!!!!!!!”

No suicides have yet been reported due to the horrifying announcement. However, many self-inflicted deaths are expected after Friday’s release of Nolen’s final Batman film and once it has sunk in that ‘The Dark Knight Rises” will likely be the last good Batman film produced in our lifetime, thanks to f—kin’ Joel Schumacher.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.