Archive for July 2012

China Ridicules London for Performance by “National Disgrace”… Mr. Bean

Mr. BeanOfficials from China are mocking the London Olympic Open Ceremonies for “embarrassing mistakes” they say occurred during the show. They compare their own 2008 ceremonies in Beijing, where the ceremonies were “perfection” compared to London’s, where there were “major screw-ups,” all of which were allegedly made by Mr. Bean.

Chinese Official Wu Chan told BS Gossip that their country is laughing at the humiliating presentation. The portion of the ceremony in question was where British actor Rowan Atkinson, in character as the popular Mr. Bean, performed with the London Sympathy Orchestra. When he daydreamed about being an Olympic gold medal champion, he messed up his one note and got an ugly stare from the conductor.

Chan laughed and said “This Mr. Atkinson is supposedly one of England’s biggest stars however he couldn’t even play the one note he was assigned to play. The angry look on the conductor’s face said it all Read the rest of this entry »

Highest Paid Actress Kristen Stewart To Use Big Pay Day for Acting Lessons

Kristen StewartIt was recently announced that Kristen Stewart is the top paid actress in Hollywood for her movies in the “Twilight” series and “Snow White and the Huntsman.” When she was asked what she would spend the money on, she bluntly said “acting lessons.”

While Stewart will certainly go on a few shopping sprees and possibly buy a bigger mansion, the actress said that her main focus will be finally learning how to act. She said, “I’ve been so busy these last few years filming all these big movies, I’ve never had enough time to focus on learning the craft of acting. I’m always shocked when they hire me for a new role. Have they not watched my audition reel?”

The Aaron Speiser Acting Studio has accepted Stewart’s application and she will begin classes in the fall. We asked the school’s owner and acting coach Aaron Speiser if he’s looking forward to training Stewart. He told us, “She won’t actually be trained by myself as she doesn’t meet the standards required for our regular program. Ms. Stewart will be in our ‘special’ program with students who need a bit more work than others. We’ve had some very successful graduates come out of the special program, like the fire hydrant on ‘Sesame Street’ and James Read the rest of this entry »

Nick Stahl to Star in “Hide and Go Seek: The Movie”

Nick StahlRunning out of board games to adapt, Hollywood is preparing to produce feature films based on schoolyard games. Universal Pictures has announced that on-again off-again missing person Nick Stahl will star in their movie adaptation of “Hide and Go Seek.”

Ron Meyer, Universal Pictures President and COO, talked to BS Gossip about the new movie. He said, “We’re extremely proud to bring one of children’s favorite childhood games to the big screen. The complex script tells the story of a man who is not only a mastermind in hiding but also in seeking. And who has mastered the skill of hiding better than Nick Stahl?”

Stahl has been in the media regularly as his wife has reported him missing several times in the last few months. The actor’s trouble with substance abuse has been behind his disappearances but so far, the actor has returned home safely after each search. Meyer said that the studio plans on shooting the scenes where Stahl is hiding the next time he disappears. “When the character is hiding, Nick’s not on screen so we don’t need him. And when he comes back, we’ll shoot the seeking part of the movie. It really works out very nicely.”

Box office analysts say that adapting schoolyard games into films is a brilliant move, as unlike board games, which are owned by large Read the rest of this entry »

Michael Keaton Turns Down Batman Reboot to Do Jack Frost Sequel

Jack FrostAs Warner Bros. plans a reboot of the Batman series, following the release of the conclusion of the Dark Knight Trilogy, Michael Keaton has turned down an offer to reprise the lead role to focus on sequels to what he calls “better movies.”

The actor has said that at this point in his career, he doesn’t need the money so he only focuses on projects he thinks are top caliber. He told BS Gossip that he doesn’t believe Batman is as popular as some of the other characters he’s played such as Jack Frost, the man who is reincarnated into a snow man after dying in a tragic accident.

Keaton told BS Gossip that he is looking forward to starring in a sequel to “Jack Frost.” “Jack Frost is a character I think my fans are dying to see me come back to a lot more than the role of Batman, which is a kind of a silly character. Who would want to watch a grown man dressed up as a bat fight evil when you can see a man with a carrot nose try to win a sled race competition with his children?”

Other movie franchises that Keaton hopes to return Read the rest of this entry »

Fred Willard Defends Lewd Act During “Magic Mike” Screening

Fred WillardIt was reported that comedian and “Best in Show” actor Fred Willard was arrested this week for lewd conduct during an adult movie screening. Willard doesn’t deny that he was fondling himself but claims that he wasn’t watching an adult movie – the film was in fact “Magic Mike.”

Willard told BS Gossip that the police assumed the movie he was watching was a pornographic film because it involved male strippers but in reality, the film was “Magic Mike” and he was arrested in an AMC theatre.

Willard said that he never intended to have “sexy time” with himself at the theatre, which should have been obvious when the police escorted him out of the theatre wearing only one sock. Willard added, “You all know some lucky shmuck is going to have a big pay day selling that sock on Ebay!”

We asked Willard what motivated him to act as he did at the movie theatre. He responded by asking us if we’ve seen “Magic Mike.” Then he told us, “I’m a straight man. Everybody knows that. But when you have incredibly hot men like Channing Tatum Read the rest of this entry »

Joel Schumacher to Reboot Batman Movie Franchise

Batman_SchumacherWarner Bros. has long said that after “The Dark Knight Rises” concludes Chris Nolan’s Batman trilogy, they plan to reboot the franchise. However fans are shocked at the announcement about the man who’s been handed the job to do it – Joel Schumacher.

Warner Bros. made the surprise announcement on Tuesday morning, choosing the director who killed the last Batman series with his horrendous “Batman & Robin” to reboot the character once again. In the press release distributed today by Warner Bros., Warner President of Production said, “While many people consider Schumacher’s ‘Batman & Robin’ as a disaster, Schumacher’s two Batman movies did very well at the box office and that’s all we really care about. I can also assure fans that Schumacher has promised not to incorporate nipples onto the Bat costumes this time around and to have one of Batman’s greatest enemies as the villain in the first film; the notorious King Tut.”

Long-time Chicago Tribune movie reviewer Roger Ebert said the decision has convinced him to finally give up his passion for watching movies and focus his time on increasing his score on “Angry Birds Space.” Regarding Warner’s decision to have Schumacher take over the Batman series, he said, “This is Hollywood’s biggest blunder since casting Read the rest of this entry »

End of Comic Con Means End of Vacation for Normal People

Comic Con Batman FanAs this year’s Comic Con came to a close, fanboys from across North America returned home from a weekend of dressing up, meeting their heroes and socializing with others who share their interests. But it also meant the end of a restful, short vacation for everyone else.

When single mom Deirdre Furlong dropped her 22-year-old son, Colin, at the airport last week, she sighed with relief. She told us that she loves her son but having a few days every year without him rambling on about his geeky interests non-stop is a much needed vacation. “I love that he’s so into comics, movies and video games but for someone like me that doesn’t share his interests, it’s more than a bit of a headache. The week before he left for Comic Con, he was talking non-stop about someone named Cerebus. I thought he might have met an adventurous new friend or perhaps even a girl. It turned out that this Cerebus was nothing but an illustrated talking Aardvark. I’m not kidding. I couldn’t make that up.”

Vanessa Potter loves working with all her coworkers at Walmart, including Tyler Ozman. Potter told us that Tyler shares his love of Star Wars, Ninja Turtles and his other geeky obsessions every spare moment he’s not helping a customer. Potter said that although Tyler’s passion is admirable, it can be a bit frustrating when most of the coworkers have important things to worry about like relationships, college and finding a better company to work for than Walmart. She told us that Read the rest of this entry »

Jocks Ambush Nerds at Comic Con

Comic Con For years, jocks have beat up nerds but have never had the last laugh, due to their lack of intellect. But when it was realized that all of America’s nerds were to be gathered in one convention hall in San Diego, they plotted the ultimate wedgie-fest.

Flash Armstrong, a recent high school graduate and football quarterback, led the rebellion. He told us that throughout high school, he locked many nerds in their own lockers and gave out more wedgies than he could count, but in the end was always outsmarted by the nerds. So when he realized they were all congregated at Comic Con, he forced a nerd to show him how to use social media and was able to gather together thousands of jocks from all over America.

Armstrong told us, “We didn’t even have to set a trap. All these nerds and geeks and dorks are all together in one conference center. No jock could turn down this opportunity to finally have the upper foot.”

Unfortunately for Armstrong and the thousands of dimwits who flew across the country in hopes of smashing as many pairs of glasses as they could get under their shoes, when they got there with their Read the rest of this entry »

Addicted Gamers Furious at Angry Birds

Angry BirdsThe lives of millions of people around the world are consumed by the extremely addictive game “Angry Birds.” Until now, addicts have been able to turn off their smart phones to escape their addiction at home but the announcement that “Angry Birds” will be available to play on home video game consoles is enraging fans!

An “Angry Birds” addict, who asked to be named only as “Dave,” told us the announcement is a slap in the face to addicts like himself. “I lost my job because I couldn’t stop playing the game on my smart phone at the office. I play 14 hours a day as it is and my only respite is watching Blu-rays in the evenings. Even when I’m watching movies, if I see a pig on the screen, it takes everything out of me not to slingshot the remote at my TV. But now, when I put a Blu-ray into my PS3, I don’t know if I will have the will power to not click on the ‘Angry Birds’ icon and spend the small remainder of my free time pandering to my addiction.”

Morris Kennedy is a stay-at-home dad. His wife takes his iPhone with her to work during the day so he can focus on caring for the kids. But now that “Angry Birds” is coming to home video game consoles, he fears drastic consequences. “What is my wife supposed to do? Unplug the XBOX every morning and take it to work with her in her purse? It won’t fit in her purse! I’m going to have to sit down with my wife and Read the rest of this entry »

Kardashian Mystery: Which Sister Cut the Cheese in the Elevator?

 KardashiansThe Kardashian sisters spent the weekend at a flashy Florida penthouse but the media wasn’t interested in what they were wearing or who they snuggled up with. The breaking news story the reporters wanted to crack was which one of them farted in the elevator.

The incident occurred Sunday morning at 9:15am when the sisters exited their penthouse suite and got on the elevator to go down to the pool. Almost immediately after the elevator doors shut, the smell was prevalent.

Gus Domenez, the elevator operator, said that very quickly, he could see each sister’s nose twitching and their heads spinning around, looking at each other accusingly. “Everyone looked generally surprised and disgusted. Whoever did it is one heck of an actor. But then the women all star on that popular TV drama, so they have to be good, right?”

When approached by the media, Kourtney swore it wasn’t her and would submit to a blood test if requested. Khloé said that the smell in the elevator was hideous so it couldn’t possibly be her since she finds her own farts smell rather pleasant. Finally, Kim said that it was impossible it was her as she has never Read the rest of this entry »