Archive for June 2012

Chris Brown Equal Opportunity Beater: Hits Men Now Too!

Chris BrownChris Brown’s reputation with fans has gone downhill ever since it was made public that he beat fellow singer, Rheanna, who he had been dating at the time. Brown has been as well known as a woman-beater as he was a musician but he took matters into his own hands today to change that when he declared himself an equal opportunity beater by bashing in the face of a man.

Shortly after publishing the story of Chris Brown’s fight with rapper Drake on his site, gossip blogger Perez Hilton credited Brown for the “brilliant PR move”. Hilton explained, “Women have hated Chris Brown for a long time. What woman would buy music from a woman-beater? I know I wouldn’t! But now Chris Brown has made it clear that he doesn’t give a s–t if you’re a man or a woman – either way, you get in his face and he’ll give you a beat down!”

Brown talked to BS Gossip after the incident. He said, “Yeah, it totally was a statement I was trying to make ‘cause I don’t want to always be known as that guy who hits chicks! Ideally I’d like to be thought of first as a musician Read the rest of this entry »

Mark Wahlberg Suspended First Day After Returning to High School

Mark WahlbergOn a recent appearance of The Late Show with David Letterman, Mark Wahlberg told the host that since he dropped out of school as a teen, he will be returning to high school to finally get his diploma. But after Wahlberg’s first day back in class, he has already been suspended.

Chuck Kloes, the Assistant Principal at West Beverly High, told BS Gossip that Wahlberg had punched a student in the face, breaking his nose on impact. “We had no other option but to suspend him. You can’t go around assaulting others, especially when they’re half your size.”

When we asked Wahlberg what happened, he told us, “This douchebag walked by me and said “Yo Marky Mark.” I worked hard in L.A. as an actor in critically acclaimed movies like “Max Payne” and “The Happening” and have put my Funky Bunch days way behind me. So I walked up to the little punk and popped him in the f–kin’ nose. The little prick f–kin’ deserved it and I’d do it again!”

Kloes said that while he will welcome Wahlberg back to the school following his suspension, no more incidents would be tolerated. “Two more suspensions and he’ll be expelled. Second chances have Read the rest of this entry »

New York Manhunt on for Jackie Mason After Spotted Drinking Big Gulp

Jackie MasonNew York City Police are out in full force today hunting down comedian/rabbi Jackie Mason. Mason was seen drinking a Big Gulp, which is now illegal under New York City’s new bylaw prohibiting soft drink servings over 16 ounces.

Witnesses say Mason was strolling down the Upper West Side of town whistling cantorial music and holding what looked like a 7-11 Big Gulp when police spotted him and started to pursue the suspect. He dropped his cup and jumped into the passenger seat of a bike messenger and started his escape. Police chased him by foot for fourteen blocks before losing sight of him in the diamond district.

Witness Christina Christianson told us that while she’s never heard of Jackie Mason before, she described the incident. “This little man was holding his obesity juice when he saw the cops behind him. He said something like ‘Oy yoy yoy’ – it didn’t make much sense – and then made his escape.” She added, “What are children supposed to think when they see an older man committing such a heinous crime? They’re going to think it’s okay to get fat on big sodas and they will die young from coronary disease. I hope Read the rest of this entry »

Michael Fassbender’s Shlong to Direct “Fifty Shades of Grey”

Michael FassbenderIt’s official. After much speculation about who will direct the first movie adaptation of the hot & erotic “Fifty Shades of Grey” series of books, Universal Pictures and Focus Features have announced that Michael Fassbender’s shlong will direct the film.

While Michael Fassbender has been a rising star in Hollywood, giving commanding performances in blockbusters like “X-Men: First Class” and critical darlings such as “Jane Eyre” and “A Dangerous Method,” his shlong has only made a few cameo appearances in “Shame.” But it was those cameos in Shame that got media attention, not the actor’s performance. Universal CEO and Focus Features President James Schamus said, “When people came out of ‘Shame,’ they weren’t talking about the movie or the acting – they were talking about Fassbender’s shlong. How could we ignore that?”

Fassbender’s shlong has no previous directing experience however its experience in the subject matter presented in “50 Shades of Grey” is nothing short of legend.

Schamus talked to BS Gossip about how the choice was made. “Choosing the right director for the project was a big decision and we thought about it long and hard. It took us great lengths before we came to the decision we did. We Read the rest of this entry »

Movie Buffs Angry Over Loss of Lower Quality Film Projectors

This week it was announced that movie theaters projecting movies on traditional film projectors is coming to an end. All movie theaters across the United States will have their theaters converted to only screen movies digitally by 2015. Understandably, film enthusiasts are outraged over losing the inferior technology.

Trent Burber loves film and is on the selection committee for the LA Film Festival. Burber told us that we’re losing something special. “Part of the experience of seeing a movie in the theater is the look and feel of watching movies on real film – the shakiness, the little blips, the scratch lines down the right hand-side of the screen, movies that are a bit out of focus… these are all things filmgoers will no longer be able to enjoy. If you want perfection, you’ll have it but I’d rather a crappy experience at the theater than perfection any day.”

Retired film reviewer Bill Larson fondly remembers growing up watching movies played on film projectors. “Once in a while, the tape would break Read the rest of this entry »

Lindsay Lohan Described as Major Train Wreck at Accident Scene

Lindsay LohanOn Friday afternoon, actress Lindsay Lohan smashed her rental car into the back of a dump truck. Fortunately, no one was badly injured. While the accident reportedly involved two road vehicles, witnesses described the scene of the accident as a massive train wreck.

Jett Wilson was driving home from work when he witnessed the accident. “I don’t recall ever seeing such a huge train wreck. It was running around rambling incoherently into a cell phone, with wet mascara dripping down its face. I tried to look away but like any train wreck, it was hard not to stop my car and stare at the disaster.”

Constable Jeff Jaders was the first officer at the scene. He described the train wreck as disorderly and uncooperative. “I’ve seen many train wrecks in my line of work but this one was something really horrible to have witnessed Read the rest of this entry »

Next Season of Mad Men to Take Place in Outer Space

Mad MenViewers of the fifth season of “Mad Men” witnessed some shocking changes at the Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce advertising agency. So it shouldn’t be too big a surprise to learn where the show will be headed next season – outer space!

“Mad Man” creator, Matthew Weiner, came up with the idea after re-watching some old sci-fi movies. He said, “The sets in space travel sci-fi movies like ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ and ‘Planet of the Apes’ look like the ‘Mad Men’ set if the agency was smaller and there were large screens and flashing buttons all over the place. We watch those movies today and think they look dated but considering ‘Mad Men’ takes place in the late ‘60s, sets like that wouldn’t look at all out of place in the series.”

Weiner explained that in the opening episode of the next season, we will learn that a nuclear attack from Russia is imminent. As the staff prepares for their final hours of life, Lee Garner Jr. pops into the office and makes a surprise proposition. He offers Don the chance for him and a Read the rest of this entry »

Wilmer Valderrama Sued Over Loud “Team Jacob” Parties

WilberNeighbors of Wilmer Valderrama have sued the actor for loud house parties that have kept them awake at night and caused personal stress. Valderrama, who is known for playing Fes in “That 70’s Show” and little else, has been holding parties almost nightly to highlight his devotion to Team Jacob from the “Twilight” series.

Valderrama has long been a fan of “Twilight”. But while many fans have boarded Team Edward in hopes that Bella will end up with the sparkly vampire, he has been a strong supporter of Team Jacob from the beginning. And with one more movie yet to be released, he is hoping that holding his regular parties will turn enough fans over to the werewolf’s side.

“I haven’t read the books,” Valderrama explained “because there are words and stuff. So I don’t know who Bella ultimately chooses. I’m just praying that she makes the right choice and obviously, that’s with the lovable and protective werewolf, Jacob.” Read the rest of this entry »

Games of Thrones Fans Forced to Do the Unthinkable… Read

Game of ThronesAs HBO’s epic series “Games of Thrones” wrapped up its second season last night with multiple cliffhangers, fans of the show have only one other option than waiting 10 months for the show’s return. Read the books the series is based on.

George R. R. Martin, the author of the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series the show is based on, welcomes couch potatoes back to the world of literature. “I realize many of these men haven’t picked up a book since high school. It’s ironic that a TV show of all things is bringing people back to reading but I think it’s rather wonderful”.

Ken Spud, a 24-year-old webmaster, told us that after the epic climax to this season’s show, he couldn’t possibly wait almost a year to find out what happens. “I need answers and have no alternative to reading the books. I told myself Read the rest of this entry »

Shia Labeouf Bites the Hand That Feeds Him… His Mom’s!!

Shia LabeoufShia Labeouf has long been known for biting the hand that feeds him. He has slammed high profiled directors Steven Spielberg, Michael Bay and Oliver Stone by bashing their movies after they had hired him to star. Now Shia is slamming the work done by the closest person to him… his mom.

In the latest issue of Bon Appetit magazine, the interviewer asked Labeouf what his favorite dishes were. Getting right to the point, he quickly responded by saying, “Definitely nothing my mom cooked.”

Labeouf explained, “I love my mom! She’s my biggest supporter in everything that I do in life. But she has got to be the worst cook on the face of the planet!”

“Her roast beef would make any carnivorous animal want to become a vegetarian. But then they’d try my mom’s cooked vegetables and would starve themselves to death because that’s the only reasonable alternative. Once she made ratatouille Read the rest of this entry »